End of SAM

18/11/2013 The official day that my Pre-U have ended wow 2013 is coming to an end too. A lot have happen today too. Just after the last paper econ I went with my classmates to celebrate and thank our teachers for everything for the year it was a long late lunch haha and a great chat where I no longer have attachment to education to my lecturers but see them as a friend a mentor now learn the sides of them I never knew before and surprising them with knowledge I gain from my financial mentors it was awesome sharing session. Then while I drive home around 5PM it was quite a heavy traffic then I met with an accident knock into a lorry :( no effect at all to the lorry but my front bumper was quite damaged and the impact knock my body forward ouch luckily it wasn't too serious sorry city chan :( but my body sure is pain then I stop around Smk menjalara to check the damage and try knock back the bumper the moment when i get out and closing door another car knock my door from the side hitting me again surprise by it i stun and look at the driver the driver stop and keep sorry sorry sorry oh well then i see my door no damage ok ba, i proceed to mend my car well not so bad i guess? then ouch...the inside engine part some plastic break le and loss 2 of the screws oh well..sorry city chan i would fix you as soon as possible!
Then after reaching home have dinner around 7 30 pm i fetch my sis from ballet and send her home then i proceed to DPC to yum cha with miss Aggie my accounting teacher only to found out all my other classmates have FFK and only left me alone well ok then had a great sharing session with her and know more about her she really is a good teacher that know her students well even if she doesn't shows it and know her students weaknesses and strength although she does not shows it. She too was happy for me as I know what I want and notice my absence during the revision week well correct i was busy with silver malaysia and CAG and WIG events skip class often that time and have gain many valuable network and contacts she advice me on quite many things too haha really great full to have such a caring teacher I would definitely help her to protect her wealth with the things I can add value to her in the future when I learn more from Jonathan! Around 9 45 PM she had to go back her daughter sleeping time well that girl sure is cute always so silent today outside so hyper active! for some reason she invited me go to her house haha then Miss aggie told me you quite big ah she dont invite people de haha well after she hit me of course hmm I wonder why kids like to hit me?? I really look so good to bully? hit me they happy I act sakit then they like me why ah??haha i really wonder. Then she went home I take a short stroll at DPC to calm myself and have inner peace and look and the nice clear sky full moon it was a cooling night then I flashback all that have happen this year and smile while tears rolls down many thing have happen over these eleven months I have grown and finally taken action towards the dream I always talk about my network expanded suddenly with like minded peoples it was a mind blowing event in my life by far and also inspire me further to move forward as these young people can achieve success by adding value to others at their young age I too will do that One day VG industry would come true no definitely not immediately but definitely at my pace :) Now Im trying to reduce my attachments I really had too much attachments before to people that do not appreciates me it is true what jon and candice say Its no use teaching a pig to sing unless a pig would like to sing I cannot force others to do unless they themselves would like to. People come and go some people are meant to leave you when your paths divides but on the way you will meet more people that would help you the and you will help them to become what you want to be My many binding attachments in the earlier year have cause me much pain and grieve because i mind too much and is too much attach to people with different ideas and purpose that does not appreciates me i am wasting their time and mine but now i am slowly cutting it down this attachments to gain more power in my life is a give and take relationship it always must be a equivalent exchange orelese the balance and bond will definitely break sooner or later But no matter how I still will appreciate everything because without the past there will be no me Victor today I was shape through these I accept this is what I want and this future I want to reach and create that I take action to do what I do now I dont regret it I accept whatever is too come and strive forward Remember no one can help you if you do not want to help yourself if anyone approach me for help I am more than happy to provide it if you are willing and wish to help yourself :) Onwards and all the best to everyone work hard and smart! :D

The person you want to be

there is a saying of who you hang out with the most will determine what you will become in the future this is environment affect its a common thing herd instinct if you find there is a gap in your life a hole in your heart then go out and seek the problem and find the way to solve it do not be afraid of making mistakes or failures this will grow us to what we want to be. every obstacles that are there to hinder us bring us 1 step backward but raise our knowledge to move 2 step forward I believe that with true willpower and faith anyone can succeed in their own ways how far depends on how much they limit their mind. You and I are all the same humans we will have times where we will feel down and this are the times we should seek positive energy to boost ourselves from the hole in the heart to prepare to move further. Most importantly no matter how we think and how we are we must always never forget of the people around us who are those who are there for you regardless of good or bad times and those who are not appreciate the simple things in life only then you can move far and stay humble :)

To me

Question that have a uncertain or hidden truth...very well I'll answer for myself then.

You are someone irreplaceable someone who I care deeply that I'll do anything even if it is stupid or at a disadvantage for me...I'll sacrifice for you...someone whom...I fall deeply...like a idiot...

Nothing last forever...if we take everything for granted..we will regret it deeply when its gone...care for everything around us and appreciate them. you never know how important it's worth is until you lose it.

A shattered reality...A lose past...A world I no longer knew.

Inside it is empty...outside a mask of lies...and so I walked away...I cant take it.

So...I made a decision one that will change my world...and embrace the future.

unrequited love.

Character

So this is what it is meant by "Birds of a feather flock together".

When the mindset changes the world changes...

Sacrifice must be made in order for a change

Will i be forgotten? And dissapear in the shadows? Left all alone again...the transition.

Dont leave me too will you?

Character never forget to have that and always have a clear sight of your objectives.

Move forward...on the way new lights and oppotunity shall present itself.

Responsibility to one selves

We must always be responsible for the choices and action we take not anyone else but ourselves. You can make it here You can make it out it is a two way relation simple and easy...ask your conciousness and you will find the answer.
I wont not say is right or wrong...no matter what is your choice I will respect. you have my blessing whichever path you choose. Responsibility and respect to our selves and to others are very important never forget that...as we grow older...this burden will become heavier...all the best....it pains me but this is life....we must accept coming and goings as part of it...nothing last forever...even though is cowardly...I wish...I could run and go into a long slumber...to rest...a lot have happen...I'm really tired now....both mentally and physically...a war awaits me...ahead...let me crumble now...and regain strength before its too late...sorry...but the things I learned this few days...yeah...and have to turn all this into a driving power to move forward...cant look back...need to chase ahead...but I wish....yeah accept the passing when the times has come...do not hold back...accept the truth...and smile...That alone is enough.. :)

Resurrection (Chapter Fear)

Its happening again...How did I keep ending up in a half asleep half awake state recently?....Its that dream again....Maybe its due too being half awake I can remember it clearly....tat feeling...like being watch...being cursed...It all started after that genting crash....I have fear to drive my car alone now.....always checking the horn...and highlight...it seems so real....always end when I manage to break...but...every time it happens I always awoken suddenly with my heart beating extremely fast that is hurts...what is this feeling....I'm...really scare...it feels like it is directly in me...showing me....it does not feel like I'm latched on too...but it feels like being cursed....It hurts....I'm really scare...this is fear...help...Is this a physiological disorder or supernatural at play....I dunno...

Resurrection (Extra chapter moonlight memoria)

The sky tonight is a very clear one as all the stars are abnormally beautiful yet visible. But the one that kept me questioning was the moon...it was abnormally mesmerising yet sinister...what is this feeling in my chest my heart?...i woke up not knowing what i dreamt for the past few days...yet it seem so real...like i was waking from a dreams dream?and yet nothing remains...this feeling...hmm...

I have no idea...but..i am sure of a thing...that is something missing I'm forgetting something very important but what is it?this feeling...as i look up to the distant sky...unable to shake off the heavy feeling...yet i am content...seems like it was right..if we choose to do so and wish to do so...the result will be what we wanted so everything is really in our head...hehe...i hope...i can see clearly...what is it about...i want to now the truth...what is it that i have forgotten...living in the present and moving forward seeing the possibilities and opportunities around...optimistic yet sensitive. Put full trust orelse dun trust at all just like the moon that shines. :)

M

Resurrection (Last chapter The lost star and the last star)

Human will always seek perfection to satisfied their desires...By chasing after something which doesn't really exist but refuse to admit it as it will show how foolish the person is...and so this is the lost star...a star that never really existed but people believe in its existence hence the name lost star...
We are often confronted by our emotions to make decisions this emotions will stir up a war within our insides...but when we finally make up our mind can we be sure our sub concious and concious are the same?
What we know our concious is only 5% of ourselves the remaining 95% are our sub concious the part we do not know but is ourselves. Blindly chasing after something that I believe its real...to no ends will this be how my life going to be? chasing after a lost star?
Problems and solutions are all just our imagination. This means everything we see now is what we sub consciously created we wanted it to happen so it happen. As humans we will always face troubles and problems but when we are able to cope with it and clear the trouble we are relieve so I'm saying all these is what we actually created ourselves. I'm grateful and happy for those who cared for me and worried for me during my times of crisis and problems. Everyone have their own mindset their own world their own troubles therefore one cannot be perfect without going through this trials...and so...thanks for supporting me...but the problem are cause by me in the first place so it is going to me to destroy this problem. And the same concept apply to all of us.
Patience is not something you can take for granted it takes time and the right people only then you can wait together with them. People with the same mindset will lump together that be the norm but if you are going to accomplish great legend to success you must be the one to be able to galvanize others and implant your ideas and dreams too others only then it will come true. A dream will never come true if you have no one to support it or build it, but no matter how impossible is the dream is if you are able to implant it and galvanize other too see the same vision as you it will come true for it is all in our mind.
And so the story of the last star tells us that no matter how desperate or defeated we are...if we believe truly and do not give up it is ours to take...the star that does not exist will appear...as the last star. Even if it will be the last..what important is it stays in our heart forever...and that is call "Memory of the Heart".
Even if I will eventually disappear or be lost or forgotten...but the times we go through will always remain i will always be in the "Memory of the Heart" of those who hold me dear and they too will remain in mine.
Go forward and never look back...I will always be in everyone heart when you need me no matter where I am whether i exist or i dont...because i will always exist in the hearts of those who trust me.
This would then resurrect the life that is lose. Thus resurrection.

The End 

Resurrection (Chapter 2 Price to pay)

Nothings change nothings gain...everything will only continue to go in circles rounds a vicious cycle that will never end. Yet my empty mind keeps floating off on its own...
Is it accepting the truth or running away from the truth....will this shell remain empty or will it be fill?...
Help...I'm really lost...

Resurrection (Chapter 1 The falling)

how laughable...indeed is funny...Really what the heck is all this?
Just like this something in me snapped...what was i doing the whole time?
Yeah that is the sound of my concious snapping...I really lost hope for anything already..
I'M really sick of this world...really fedup...really tired...screw everything...
Can you realize or see the eyes that have no soul in me? a smiling face but a body with no soul?
Falling in to deprivation.

Resurrection(prologue)

The more we know the more we know we dont know
If eveyones rejects and despise my existence
where would you all be? :)

Even if everyone calls you a liar
Everyones hates you
And the world rejct you
I'll be by yours side
Because i trust u.

Hunger

So this year Famine 30 comes to an end with many nice memories and experience...very tiring too my eye can hardly open and my body is aching all over...T.T how to do tmr presentation??... dam..my stomach...feels awful....my bone like piercing my stomach with sudden movements...ouch...that bloody hurts...hope tmr be ok..wake up early to prepare for presentation (plan too) hope the slp miss out for the pass few days wont wear me out FIGHTO!!

Darkness within

I care for you so much...but all i see now is darkness...there is no future ahead...for me...let it be all gone...goodbye.

Its already a lost shadow there is no way to recover the impact that have happen...in time it will realize itself.
Is okay to hate me just be safe. I wont be a burden for much longer bear with it time is coming to a close
Shadow of the past haunts the present...would the end of this tunnel shows the future light?

Guilt

July 4 July 5 July 6 and July 7...so much have happen that even my mind have a hard time accepting it...good times bad times shock times depressed times disappointment times and guilt times....all these mixes emotion...the more you know the more u lost...On this day..i have lost faith in humanity...in my selves...The one thing I am most clear is now...The guilt i feel...as I know something was wrong...and dare not take action....this guilt...why dint was i so shaken up...is it because i want to save my own skin or my friends or the person at danger...maybe none or all?...I dunno...but this guilt...I do not know how to put it into words now...i'll try to continue tmr...o haha i mean today...

and this quote comes to my mind..." You either die a hero , or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."

Goals

Because someone once told me "it's about doing what we love and when we do so money just comes naturally." somehow this phrase have awaken something i left out very long...haha indeed i have forgotten myself sorry for not noticing it earlier >< now i will make that step out to live my dreams i will chase it the chance and everything have been set up for me all the time its just that I'm too blinded by insignificant stuff that i think it is important while ended up hurting myself. Its good to have a goal i guess? even if i end up some place far as long the heart is true i believe we are still connected. It does not matter u made 100 friends all you need is true friends who acknowledge your bad and your good and accept u regardless light cannot exist without shadow vise versa learning to accept is just how it will make things flow thanks for reawakening me and so onwards chase it down hunt it down and make the powers your remember invest in yourself the skill and knowledge learned once it is done it be your forever and u can reproduce it no matter how many times u lost it self development 1st its not about chasing great things its about becoming someone great yourself that will naturally attract greater things to you instead of chasing it so many successfull people have share their secrets but we as typical human wont believe it because we are afraid to change those who are crazy and out of the box are the one who climb out of the crowd and stands above others in the end because they continue to improve themself. they inspire me many times but i think i finally got the message instead of being inspire and idoling them their true message is stop sitting there and do nothing if you know it already stand up and do it yourself. its about growing thanks for everything everyone continue to improve! :D

Eternal Slumber

The wish...The pain...The truth...If i could only close my eyes and fall into a eternal slumber...Somethings will never be appreciated until they are lost..memories lost...affection to insanity you do not know your own limits or powers till your push to your last leg...There are too much stress lately that have been building up inside me..but i continue to smile and move on hiding it...but push to my ends...even i will fall easily...Its really too pain to bear everything alone..why...when I need you you were never there...Am I so insignificant too you?
Loneliness darkness all alone I wish for a eternal slumber.

4 months

And so 2 weeks of holiday have ended and back to college there isn't really anything that have been changed but the thing that have change is that i've become more distant....how did I go through the past 5months? I really very tired le..i could't care less about it anymore cant trust anyone here...very well...they force me..
The only thing I know is there is 4 month left and I have to make it worthwhile time to push tat result. Result is not everything but it is a stepping stone in life to go further...I'll just go by my simple and easy rule from now on too tired too waste anymore time and energy...you respect me I respect you settle don't give me anymore trouble. And so my war begins...haha 2 weeks of craziness they are still the best after all who shape us for who we are are probably our high school life and time that are the truest and purest not bad. From then on we push on...we all know who are the angels and devils around us in the end it all depends on how we balance it. Wishing everyone the best in their journey

Rise and set

PD although nothing much special happen but something inside of me changes...As i watch the sunrise and sunset on that day...something trigger in my heart..."Whatever goes up will always come down"...Is it true?...well most of the time yes....Moving ahead run with time now and begin.
I do not want to artificially prolong anything that was meant to happen only more suffering would come after that short amount of prolong...I accept it as it is..well its not so bad after all I have no regrets so may fate takes its course I'll follow it and make the best out of it. Its the true goodbye live well and chase after dreams Lets all fight for our dreams,beliefs,faiths