I clear it up at last...words that i wish to say...there is nothing more i can do...all is a memory now...its enough for someone like me...back to usual...u can do it...Its enough...everything...
All my happiness will be a distant fairy tale that i chase...sorry thank you goodbye...

White day

14 of march Today is white day a day like valentine where the boys give reply to girls that give them chocolate on 14 feb valentine day and every chocolate have their meaning: White chocolate means I love you, Dark chocolate means Im Available,Cookie chocolate means Im taken. Sadly this is not practice anywhere but in japan only T~T....But still is a reply day....When can i hear ur true voice...your true reply...but I think that is something impossible...Now i only wish our relation will return to when it was back then...Wat actually happen?...why so sudden...Is our relation only till that day?the place where it all started where we bonded....then now that place is no longer here...so our relation disappear too?I dont get it...So now what am I to you now?I really wonder...All that's left is for time to decide...but yet again...I wish time could prolong longer...I do not know when...but I guess is unavoidable...If then I still watch over you over the moon and stars and everyone else...A smile something that can hide one sadness tears that will never be seen...Darkness that envelops the hearts...
Happy White day...As I lie on the sofa and think...this is where memories of you are closests to me...come back....i miss u

weak

Haiz I really sui pei...why so weak?...But then again there isn't much time left...I want to spend as much time with them. Its worth it.. :)

Resolve

There is nothing i can do abt it hope tmr turn out fine :)...i miss you...so near yet so far....our distance...after talking and bonding this few days i know...will i be brave enough?....Anti love...maybe i be one very soon...congratz another cousin wedding le now i and my same age cousin are the next in line...kacau d==...where are you..when i needed u :( sry i know ur busy...im too selfish...I so bad ah..so is my resolve strong enough...even if im the worst...i'll protect those dear to me...im willing to stain my hands to protect them...

2/18/03 luckless??

Today I quite late wake up around 7 45 late jor~@@so i rushed and pack my bag grab a white bread and drive off to school luckily traffic today not vry bad reach school 8 40 late 10 min fine~~then break time I only found out i lupa bring wallet...GG..@@ Hungry...nvm tahan!!@@ then tahan dao 3 30 finish school~go to anime club board of director interview~wow most informal interview ever but fun ppl...then 5 15 le ok nid rush to 1u for tuition jor...ran down...when wan exit..only found out i drop my student ID and season pass!!ran back up lucky got someone help me pick up :) tqtq..save~~then while i walk up the stairs to the car park..a giant moth size bigger than my head fly straight at me give me a shock and i fall down~LEG CHAO GAN! then a little dizzy le@@ again fa zuo le...pain...after like 5 min only i climb bak up go to car...(they should really let my card able to sit lift~keep nid climb ladder quiet and empty de scary~...to make it worse as soon as i drive out it started raining heavily...i take a short cut and when i wan turn out i only found out shit!no wallet how cross toll??i quickly check my car change place..lucky got ngam ngam 3 10 enough for the 2 toll i passin~~whew~~then the rain still rain heavily...doom...i take the wrong turn...turn dao to midvalley tat side tat road...GGzzzz~~then as i pass its toll use le 1.50...1 60 left...LDP toll....oh noo...I had to cancel tuition le cant make it...after jamming for like 2 hours + i reach home....my stomach pain and hungry like hell...feel like wan faint..as soon as i step out of the car i fall down~leg luan le~cham lo...eat dao half way...stomachache...no wei kou eat le...wow...wat a day??@@....Forget wallet end of the world~who say no money no problem?no money big problem...what a streak of misfortune today...

retribution

Valentine have pass...and I fail to muster my courage to deliver my feelings to your heart...I think...its true I could never be blessed with such good thing as love instead suffer worse each time...I'm such a fool...I saw your happiness at that moment...and I knew I had no chance...I have never been able to touched your heart...
Its a nice day of visiting around with friends....but...The side of me I never wanted to let anyone know...Its been awhile and been more recent that it happen...a piercing pain on my chest...I do not know what cause it...but it hurts...until I fall...I feel bad...but I do not know how to solve this sickness....
Time flows...and I notice...I've sunken into darkness....Its me who have change...I see everyone so happy it makes me happy...but at the sad?I hope I could go back...I want to laugh and be happy with everyone...I want more time....Please...even if I suffer...I wish everyone could be happy...Its a retribution I have to pay....I'm really left out....I wan to climb back up....but how...?

Anger

Its been a long time I've been overwhelmed by such anger...And it goes like this...

Finally back from college from the jam for 1 hour Its already 5 30 today tired~~

Then my mom told me later 7 nid fetch my sis fine...wat a drag fetch her then go guitar ba....take a short nap :) then my sis sms me no need fetch her.yessh!! can slp xD 6pm fall asleep...zzz
around 7...receive a sms that wake me up and says:later fetch me always after ur tuition at cassandra hse.FUCK??! Immediatly she call me...my sis...call me go fetch her frm her best friend hse....!! DAHECK? U KIDDING ME?? SAY DONT NID THEN NOW COME BOTHER MY SLP AND ANNOY ME I SCOLD HER A MOUTHFULL THEN CUT HER PHONE...Eat anger dinner to calm myself then after fbing a while calm down around 8 ok time to go out guitar 8 30....call her and tell her that i will come pick her up now prepare.abt 10 min++ of jam reach damansara reach there...she's not there.....Ok great...Im already piss earlier i inform u d still not down?Im not ur taxi driver I not so free tq...phone her scolded her ask her come down anger meter: high...She take her own leisure time to come down like 10 min or so?? then when she come in the car i very angry mood...scold her again...she not feeling sorry or anything but instead argue and scold back...tsk....really pek cek d...drive...Beh tahan it continues as i drive...Slam my fist to my own leg.......calm ...continue to argue....then she punch me in the face...I cant control my anger le straight slap her...and she slap me back....almost ram to a lorry....fine ignore....silent war...drive at 100+ on damansara and 120++ on ldp....got highlighted got horn but too angry to care...almost ram to the corner while u turning the ldp...reach home open door ask her get lost....drive off to guitar class....with some jokes and chatting mood return back to good my guitar teacher is a pro after all and a idiot...one of the most geng student he have that is marry now that couple once quarrel while driving at the highway at 140++ then his wife tell him u argue again i open door n jump out...he say go ahead...and his wife really did it..dafuq?now that is scary anger luckily dint die but injured badly...now tat is scary...so my teacher tell me dun like his student...wow...fine I bear that in mind>< return home...
Now round 2 it starts...as i walk in to the house i good mood d so i plan juz go up play com :) enter house...mom stop me and ask wat happen....this is where it starts again....My sis drama queen crying over that say dao like I beat and slap till she half dead abuse...tears...coming out...and then argue again like i was wrong all.....ok boiling straight up...piss...argue back...lucky i got prove her sms...it was her that give wrong info anyone will get piss...and then still wan me wait when i go get her still complain GOOD!!...big war quarrel and quarrel...my dad...that spoil her...of course help her...so my wrong...but my mom saw my proof....well obviously she is the one..but she cant do anything....tsk...suan..i say sorry then say u so smart next time drive urself tq :) i stop car for u take keys walk out of the house...take a umbrella well its night...juz in case...as i walk out...it started to drizzle..then rain...great..umbrella....walk to my park playground wow...at night its really lonely and dark....walk to the swing...and play...swinging in the rain at night...I gotta be like a mad man==my head was spinning headache...then i fall off the swing...blackout a moment....head spinning...argh...leg pain...earlier i slam my own leg it have blue black...wow was i tat angry?....then i take of my slippers and walk the refisologi rocks or watever...after like 5 min....ok d...calm...fine...can d...the rain now only stop lol kidding me==??walk home....end of story...sis n dad sleeping d...then chat wif mom...told her my teacher story so dun quarrel wif dad dun jump off car><....bring blankets and lap top down...shower...ok to9 slp sofa... :) now abit dizzy and cold...I think i fallen sick@@...wow...think back i almost lose my life few times today due to extreme anger...never felt that piss for so long....now my leg 2 patch of blue black fail@@.....Anger outburst is truly scary....I dint know I can be this scary...thinking back...My scoldings could hurt anyone...its too true and anger...Must control...No more next time i could lost my life while driving in anger...So that is how bad I am...haiz...So to anyone reading this....careful of ur anger..u could lose alot...sorry.