never was...

my heart just cant give me an answer....i guess i really do have nothing from the beginning~then what am i now?i really want to find myself...

october 9th 2007....exactly 5 years ago...on a stormy midnight...the same as the one now....sure brings back memories...haiz...wonder how are you doing now....

where we stand

ho~~October already just like tat time slips away from me once again...
A year seems to fly eh!? :P form 4~so quick...well what to do?!human nature i guess?
We never seems to grasp time all the time and is always chasing behind it...
But no matter how fast we try to catch up,time is always still ahead of us teasing us laughing at us...what to do??
There is always past we want to desperately forget , There is future we want to avoid,
what about the present then?!What are we doing with the present then?
There may have been a reason?or there may not have been one?
There may be times that we seem really unfortunate to others,and times that we may carry a deep wound in our hearts...
But where we are standing today isn't that bad,is it? =)
I am still afraid of it,but i don't feel about it =)

P.S. Oh and yeah!!finally is October fall animes!!is a month feel wif awesome animes ah!!! ^^ DOKI DOKI

ningen :)

Humans don't learn or achieve enlightenment easily.
That's why as humans we will make mistakes.
But that's why we cry,laugh,and fall in love. :P

Escape

The rhythm of midnight
I'll indulge as I like to the beat that can't stop, dancing till morning
Casting aside anything and everything
Let these vanishing feelings look into your lying face

Frightened yesterday, I'll just keep dancing now
I want something that I can't see
I can't become irritated and hide
I'll show my pouting face to this one person

Even if I continue struggling, I am bound to your asburd morals like this.
Only time is meaningless, it merely passes by, and nothing changes

The aspirations I had always painted are distant now but throwing away the past can't reset it
The ideals I'm searching for, the attacking reality, the night's anguish still continues

All that the night's light is illuminating is rolled up by the palm of my hand
So that it will ridicule morning. Nobody realizes it

Someday while the wings, which had begun to flap inside my dreams, wander about the darkness,
I'll search for an exit
I can't stop loving you, I can't push away these feelings starting to overflow
If they pile up, my dreams won't come true. The unchanging morning comes again

The encounter which was too late, the separation which was too early,
I don't want them to become anyone's fault
If I have just one wish, please, let me return to that time

I will drop into the night so that I can be guided by the moonlight
Surely I can't escape from the endless game with no goal

My flapping wings from inside my dream that day will one day surely struggle on
To the place I'll look for only me
Can't escape from my life, I'll look for a shining light without the ability to escape
While I'm confused and losing my way, the unchanging morning breaks

My flapping wings from inside my dream that day will one day surely struggle on
To the place I'll look for only me
Can't escape from my life, I'll look for a shining light without the ability to escape
While I'm confused and losing my way, I welcome the new morning <3 awesome ><

Why?

Why cant anyone understand me...
Why cant they just accept the other me...
I am who i am without that other me i wont be myself anymore...
Haiz...I just don't want to lose people who are precious to me...
This bond...i don't want it to break...

anonymous

There is no real truth in this world...
Show me a real goal worth living for...

Red tears...

A city dyed by the sunset sky and your face from the side-
What are you thinking about, what are you looking at, what are you feeling?

For instance, if we can't see our future ahead
Then I'll grip your hand and we'll run endlessly

Recover your smile and dreams and love and joys
It's not too late even now
Because no one will blame you
For the physical things, that only those are the everything here

The time of dusk hurries by, making my heart forget
Like how I cut up a busy flow and turned it into a photo

You told me that you love this place and red tears fell down your cheeks
I had a feeling that we wouldn't ever be able to meet agai

Your tears, lies, sadness, and regrets, everything is a proof of that I was here with you
I vow in my chest
That our parting is the beginning of a memory that only the two of us know
Someday, we'll meet again...

As it is, the whispering voice grows afar
And your shadow is swallowed by the setting sun
Tell me that I didn't spend any time in vain...

Recall your smile, dreams, love, and joys
And they'll echo eternally
Because we can't believe
That the physical things, that only those are the everything here

Truly Beautiful... :')

Ideals

Ideals...
Absolute convictions that transcend reality,
If they truly exists...
The real world is just a crappy game,
The ideal world can only be found within Yourself,
Such was my belief...
But if an ideal can be found within a crappy game,
There may be an ideal route in the real world...
For me to discover!

Memorable day

Haha a truly happy birthday today ^^ im very happy n gratefull to everyone who wished me n remember my birthday today >< A word is indeed worth a thousand gifts ^^
appears I old another age again today :P existance worth of 16 years have juz form There is no way i can chase after time or run as an equal wif it....but if i just follow the flow it all will eventually come to a stop and come to my needing
Just u wait...i be there one day no matter how long it takes!!i will never lose my hopes,wish,belief and everything that is precious to me!!I will walk as an equal with u one day BELIVE IT!! ^^

All In Good Time...

Holding on to this feeling that I cannot yield
Still, I have walked this far
I didn’t seem to advance much
But I can feel the dream carried by the wave of time

Tracing back to the distant memories
when things were not in this way, I feel radiant
I have gone past those days

Over here, now
Where it is not the beginning or the end or anywhere
From here
We will again walk to discover those new dreams

Only wanting to convey my feelings
I tried to link up my “Selfishness” and “Wishes”
Unable to choose
That is why my voice didn’t express those words, and (the words) disappears today

My shallow breathing returns
I said, “Up till now it is great”
There is no reason to give up, in order to go towards hope

Over here, now
Even if it is the end or the start, in a place that is anywhere
From here
We will again walk to discover those new dreams

From here
If the present is full of enjoyable days, it is not here
Many times we walked out
To discover a new dream

From here we will again walk towards
Without seeing anything else, we will meet up in these confusing days
It is only seemed repetitive, but it is different
We will discover a new dream +D

japanese song so meaningful XP

The final truth

wow quite a tiring day today and fun too >< race to the end i next year will join again de +P...
well towards the end here we go again...religion...~this topic haiz~hear le so many times n hear le frm many diff races and religions~to the end i still cling on to my own belive...i only belive in the final truth~the final destination of all religions comes after death tat is whr all the religions connect together to form the ending...or known as god realm heaven?!for me the final destination exists but the final truth exists above the final destination...in order to acheive tat...all muz become once again n united in order to reach tat...my research shall continue...
but thankyou 1 of my teamates today...it is true in order to acheive total unity of all human regardless of races n religion u gotta be the highest of the highest to acheive tat...n a very strong will to pursue tat dream...tat when all become as one,and one means all tat is only the true religion and the true origins of us as humans....we all come from a single root if we backtrack towards the 1st human in this world....but due to some reason evil is born into this world which cause us to spilt into so much juz because of skin colour,beliefs and so much more....wan me trust in a religion??!wait for the final unity ba...i wan see the final truth...i belive deeply in my heart...tat one day we will all become as one again....this is my belief... +)

Twillight

It is tat time!!?this weather...the light wind blowing blowing against my face...the sky illuminating a very dreamy colour blended with light sunlight and darkness....
It is.... Twillight....a very beautiful occurance that happen rarely...during the middle of sunrise or sunset/dawn or dusk....the moment/time interval is very short in between and to see a beautifull one is very rare...but for me...often during these times...i will just in time awaken from my nap when the window covers starts flapping...n then i saw it...the beautiful background and colour of the sky...for some reason they often give me a dreamy effect...times seems to slow down and lengthen where flash back of memories i long forgotten resurface to my heart...It's like I'm stuck in the middle of both reality and dream...although the occurance is normally only around 5 minute...but for me it seems to already go on for days...it have a ever lasting effect...which i cant explain...i normally shed tears withough even realizing it when it is over =)....I always waited for this momment...i live for this momment and in the momment for it =D

Promised day

...Just remember my promise to myself...when the sky started crying in the evening...thankyou for the guidance....time to walk a new path....for better or for the worse...who knows.....a new challenge awaits... :) goodbye...the promised day

Moody...

What a hash nightmare to start today...wat a moody day~whole day also feel so irritated...reali hate it...no mood for anything~

Acknowledgement...

Today...i started doubting my own abilities...I do seriously...wonder...does anyone in this world actually acknowledge me...for who I am? :( the fatefull day...is tomorow haiz...

Passing....

As Time steadily passes on.....nowadays it seems the light in my world is gradually fading away......only darkness continues to envelop my true world....why...why...why is there no one there to save me from this lone world~....trust worthy...understanding...those ppl wif this apparently fade away.......i am willing to abandon everything if I can get a much more adventurers life and dangerous...and start over again...

troblesome~

haiz~~kenna trick to a 1 year contract to the PPDA's next week will start kenna le since its minggu dadah......form 4 very busy nia=~= hen fan ah!! T_T

fatal rising~

haiz.....this morning when we are sleeping.....japan was hit by a 8.9 earthquake...which is very powerfull already....i cant belive we are sleeping over here.....then...when we had our exams until go home...japan was hit by tsunami a very terror wan too.....and to imagine.... to9 when we sleep.....alot more country is gonna get hit by tsunami....if im not mistaken....around 10...hawaii is gonna get it ady...haiz~~not to meantion...thr might be posibilities that volcano eruption~~earthquake...the mother of all narutal disasters....chain destructions~~~geez....by the end of the holiday....i can imagine quite alot of countries in despair T_T....is predicted...sabah will kenna...haiz....even if it doesnt hit us....i guess...Malaysia will experiance quite alot flood around.......nowadays....it feels just like the movies when mother nature shows it anger....geez......may god bless those innocent peoples and unfornate lifes :')

(this earthquake/tsunami affected me too T_T.....wat about all those ongoing animes and manga i chasing....NOOOO...plss....dont be destroy to T_T..i hope~~)


conclusion:....2012 prophecy is becoming more and more true XD

schools out =D

exams over!!? schools out the holiday starts XD oh yea^^
well....well.....juz start holiday know liao ownself fail 2 subject....no eye see liao~~start school sure gonna get kill by mom~~haiz.......oh welll......too bad.... =(
Happy Holidays everyone ^^

hmm....i wonder...reali got so "ngam" bo....reali...geez~~








march 12 eh.....if we are still together this would be the 10 month :') i wonder if we are still together...how are we now.....:').......well....i do miss those times........but just like everyone say....is ady past tense la...suan liao ba :).......hehe...ya....i think is past perfect tense ba........just like a perfect sweet dream.....just a dream :')

Perfect world...

A Perfect world...does it truly exist?!...a answer I been trying to seek out for a long time already...1 thing for sure...not in this life and in this world it exist......why must reality always be cruel?!=(

Secrets...

Secrets....if we truly wanna keep them and dont wanna tell anyone...we should just keep the secret to ourself......but if u tell me u know a secret...it already means u got a urge to tell me the secret...but then crush by ur own guilt...u cant tell...but this way...u will make me more curious...and axious to know wat it is...futhermore...it gotta be 423273...haiz......it appears it's just not quite the time for me to pass on...there is still a mystery tat I must solve...still binding to this~ =(

Clear mind :)

Dont know why today my mind felt so calm n clear xD maybe cause Today the weather is truly beautiful =D after the rain and came bak from school I went for a stroll around the park and sat at the swing xD it was truly windy and the sunset is truly beautiful =) it was that tat allow me to relive beautiful past memories oh memories are truly amazing if u see it with a empty clear mind instead of a small narrow mind xP......watever tat have past will always be a past but the effect will be with us on our heart forever helping us in the process of growing known as life =D indeed life sometime can be beautiful xD...thankyou very much for all those beautiful memories :)

truly lucky cny =D

this cny...i reali very very lucky dont know why XD....only for gambling la,i counted all my money and the total for all 15days is.......488 i won 488 this cny madness~~never try winning so much be4 XD....hehe...but whole cny the game way also same de....i be chongker~then....the starting got win got lose.....middle lose dao i no eye see~at last few round....all play big big tat time i sure win dont know why XD....got 1 round i rmb...from start to end i lose le 180 T_T>...at last round....all put big big...50,20,10,5 then i get 2 ACE triple~imediately siao d==~....poker....also ownage...get royal flush le so lucky XD...hehe....this cny surely got many bro n sis beside helping me de tq tq haha XD...see u guys next year ya haha ^^ well all well ends well like this^^
but...still....this is the scary of gambling...can kalah dengan teruk de if no luck especially congker....win many lose also many hiak hiak XD~now...exam comin soon in 2 weeks haiz~~i scare my bm n +maths reali will gg help!!? T_T~

8882555336684446633~

44277999 8882555336684446633 8666 6999 553344422244666 444 44666733 99966688 33665666999 84433 22244666222555228337777 xD~

Reali lucky cny :)

This year dint go bak hometown...T.T so this year ang pow only 500+ sad...last year got up to 800+ le XD....but this year my gambling luck reali ONG AH!? :P from start cny 1st day total win le 200+(1st time win so much)XP by only playing blackjack(21) and texas poker...21 I most of the time also be cong ker :) (best win a day 80) (worst lost a day 60) so fast o :P but at last put into bank a 100 wif ang pows money n belanja my family 50+ for this morning breakfast :P so end up 40+ for myself ok wat ;) quite fun ba this year...(dont know why this year good at predicting cards XD quite accurate le tat is why happy XP well lucky ba this year de cny)...but tomorow start school le so fast...sad T.T...this year reali too early holiday and too short...geez....time~

Geez~

Now going out for the whole day till night~sienz...T.T wat a day...well wat to do??..............2m gone d...wat should I do now??wait for wishing star?? :S

Bloody and painfull holiday begin @.@

1st painful is on monday during wuhu~wa today wan us to tahan spilt~still let instructes press~like wanna break leg leT.T...little did I know...at the end I is even more gg~after the class end...i talk wif teacher abt my hunchback problem...then he say he help me straigten it...wa say relax relax relax~once he help me pull the bone...Walau...earlier de pain all gone d~all pain go to my backbone~reali like broken~then after tat the whole day cant even bend properly~when bend pain...to top it off earlier de leg stretching effect come le after my nap reali like orang cacat XD~then at night tuition is my most painful de 3hours cause must bend to do tuition work T.T...the pain lasted for 3days till wed then start hunching a little again...gg loT.T~................2nd pain...a well lesson learn...and a chain kill of 4cem~1st curse...today wednesday during PJK when almost finish the time...jun ming eye kena hit by basketball...then bengkak dao his eye...wow...ouch~then he went home le~2nd curse thursday~our genius mr neo play badminton dao cut dao his leg...then nid wrap~genius!?...then at night...wif yimin chat at fb..."she say wow wed jun ming kena eye,thursday neo kena leg,hmm u think tmr friday we 4cem whose turn kena??XD"...i say you la XD...she say choi u kena 1st la XP....*little did I know she was right T.T*....friday...last day of school for cny holiday XP...and also lastday for raf n hisyam T.T~n I told them"...meetings n partings happen alot in our life :) but even when the people is not here...memories n their heart will always remain ;) ...i wish u a bright future do ur best in ur new school XD and dont forget me ;) extra for hisyam:U still owe me a prank~...now is my turn to prepare my english...hope I can pass the entrance exam n settle wif my parent abt money problem then can transfer to international school le XD...although I will miss everyone~.. 3 30 wait at school for mom to come and fetch me~yea today noone in 4cem injured^^...then while waiting I jump around the bicycle tiang n steel bench >< jump till suddenly...when I was jumping away from the bench...the steel bench fall backward toward the longkang~naturally I also Pokai... maybe cause of jumping force and distance too impact...i fall hard on my left leg...and I use both my hands to reduce impact force~was stun on ground for 3minute leg pain till unmovable~aftertat arm also no strenght to lift the bench bak up...aftertat at home climb stairs also weak...arm use more strenght then pain......conclusion friday I am the wan to kena...sat Morning...crap even more pain liao T.T~just now just go see tita...tat sifu help me pull my bones pain!!...he say left leg ok de just nid to rub..terible blueblack..both arm jiu not so lucky dont know kena till which nerve~nowonder arm so strain and pain T.T...painful start for the holidays.................bloody diaries~finaly my ucleur come le~(every month auto come de)~to top it off during thursday dinner~i accidentaly bite till my ucleur pain dao~drop blood on my rice~wouch tat is a 1st~.........2nd bloody diary also thursday night when I was lying on my bed~i got the urge too expelled my mucos...then it happen....i actually nose bleeding~so when expelled I made a mess on my basin full of blood~toke me 3min to clean the mess T.T just now evening happen again T.T this is my 1st and 2nd
Time happen like this T.T~.........3rd bloody diary...my gum problem getting worse 5 day brush teeth this week also bleed T.T~.....final conclusion this week is 1bloody and painful week~....(yeah I complete this post using my phone 40min at my tang jie house cause party~ P.S sorry if got spelling mistake cause use phone to writeXD)

Code of the life maker~

Wat exactly Is every human role in life??everything exists for a purpose~and the purpose is to serve a balance in life~evil n good...2nature tat will always clash...if there is only 1then balance will be upseted~then the question is...did we choose to be born into this world??the answer is no...then why do we suddenly come into this world??wat are we suppose to do??again is a answer tat cannot be answer...we all dont know why we were born to this world for...wat our life here is for...isit a must in order to balance life?so then when we were all born into this world~we were already given a mission to complete~tat is to seek why we are call upon(born to this world)n our purpose...life is about unanswered question tat fill our head...n a duty to find tat answer...n again...doesnt this only mean life is just an illusion??who knows?? :) if it is then wat is reality??then wat is the meaning of truth??...if we dint choose to be born...who summon us to this world?is there something or someone above us tat do all this??who knows? :) we always heard abt god n so on...but in the end we just heard...just a rumour tat spread n spread until it is recognize as reality tat is exist...but wat proof there is??we dont know...so in the end we must find the answer to our role in life ourself...maybe one day we will actually crack the mysteries behind everything~brk the illusions...n head toward the door of truth tat explain everything...tat is wat I belive in :)...so many question still encircling inside my heads...why this n why tat...i also dont reali know wat im saying now...everything written here is just pure instincts~...(pls dun think im some kind of physco ya :))this ends here for today...n as the title suggest...the something or someone above everything is "THE LIFE MAKER" n all those questions above will be the code of life...the questions tat are in our head(instincts)tat makes us wat we are... Human :)

10th day~

The 10th day is coming to a end~but the dream never came true~appears the 10 day deals was just an illusion T.T well too bad...if it came true~maybe my life will return bak to perfect n normal XD~but thinking bak...na since when my life is normal xP~well victor keep waiting ba~n move on slowly step by step ;) for now focus on studies 1st so can touch com XD

free sky :)

today when at tamak waiting....the sky above us is so beautiful....dont know how to describe....the little bits of sunlight change some cloud to yellow colour....so nice XD....how i wish....i could be as free as the sky :) so brood....so light....so free.....so...beautiful.....hehe..... dont know why....i juz cant hlp myself but become a little weird every single 5th n 12th of a month :P

silenced heart...

3rd day of school.....i start worrying for some subjects le....the teacher are really useless for some subject....not to meantion dam boring~....today the 5th of jan......unnoticingly....a month had actually pass so quickly....so much have changed...within a month...my life was so different.....so hard to describe this feeling.....but no matter how things n time move n changes....my heart now still remains the same.........frozen in darkness....trying to find a light way out.......haiz~