Everything

Someone once told me "You have to loss everything in order to gain anything" this is a quote i remember and always bear in mind....but then...for me i do not want to lose everything i have now :) As the remaining time i have with everyone is short...I feel more and more precious this moment have become T~T....
I will make it true 1 way or another to gain anything without losing ANYTHING!!Everything I wish and hope for the best and happiest ending I will make it possible! xD

The road ahead...

Today i spend my whole day out since 11....today i know there are some of my friend who went to education fairs...But for me that's another story~My dad have arrange a meeting for lunch with one of his old boys friend 10 years senior a retired old man but still very healthy >< he work as an lecturer last time then work as a education counselor for many years but now he have retired My dad arrange this for me so I can talk with that uncle to prepare for what is coming for me and the choices ahead.After i told him of my views and my dreams and what i wanna do, that uncle say is good I'm ambitious and knows what i what...but he told me there is 1 very big mistake i haven done enough research on where to start help college dont offer what really I need for my future~since every college counselors are only marketing for them self they only let you hear what they want to let you hear so you cant really have a clear idea of what you truly want but since this uncle is a retire he is direct and straight to the point....after for almost 2 hours + he have give me a clear idea and what path to take so the course that suits me most will be Pre-U program SAM (south Australian matriculation) which is only available at taylors or inti but he suggest taylor's....So in this 1 month he will try arrange a crash tuition on accounting and add maths for me I must stable this 2 subject or i struggle alot soon~~After this we bid our farewell...then my dad say come lets visit taylors campus to have a look...I was like har for what?I tough u say nx sat education fair baru we decide how?he insists we go have a look....
wow...lucky us today is taylor open day ngam ngam so we went to the hall and inquire about that sam and their business programs...indeed the counselor thr are train and program to only market their own program therefore if You're not sure of what you want u can easily be sway by their words and take on paths that dont suit you for example that uncle just now his son....at 1st he study law then cause of unsure what he want somehow change to architecture he done well but towards the last year he lost interest then ended up in journalism....That is how much money that have been lost though to a teenager being sway by sweet words and not listening to elders advise...Since its their open day and their last day there is a rm 500 waver fee reduction tuition fees if register today~so after much discussing and talking with parents we agree and decided to sign up for sam....Unexpectedly I met jun ming here today wow what a small world seems like he is taking taylors diploma in business well i think he is taking local program?I talked to him awhile and told him what I was taking...we say our goodbyes then i went out....only to bump into jun ming again after awhile and he told me he have switch and is taking taylors foundation in business...I hope he is sure of what he wants from the talk with the their business counselor just now I can see that she is too focus in marketing their own program instead of caring what the students needs~Since Im going for january intake...my course starts on 15/1/2013....After it start my life gonna be hectic and rush the subjects i taking for this program are maths,accounting,economics,psychology,English second language...marks are based on 70% course works and 30% final exam and I need to get a ATRC of 93% wow...that's like a getting the top 300+ in an internationally recognize program T~T.....then after this...since from the people i know and from their experience Twinning programs really ain't worth it racism is everywhere....if u wanna futher study oversea do all years there get a PR then u can work with not much problem...if u go like study ur last year oversea to get thier certificate is impossible to get a job oversea due to racism....then U come back to local to work...u found out how much money you just throw into the sea....After this program...I might further my studies to Australia for my degree3-4 years then get a pr...Looking back at the prom night juz 2 days back...and the future that is about to come that have been force into my brain today....I really miss all of my friends now....I miss my secondary life....I dont want to lose it all....but its about time our paths differ....This left back time...is so short...Even if i cant be together with everyone i work hard in my own way and maybe in 10-20 years time if i can become a successful entrepreneur I will definitely come back and build everyone dream job for them to work,good for them good for me :) That dream I will definitely realize it....just you wait!!

Final day as a secondary student T~T

Finally prom night is over an event that we rushed for in a month ><
So much have happen but at last it still succeeded I feel so happy  xD now i could finally relax there is so much people that i wanted to thank for helping make this dream real but Im just too tired now
after i recover from this worn out state i promise i will write my gan yen xD wait me!!
Now my secondary school life have truly ended its a memory that i shall treasure and keep forever truly grate full to everyone of my friends for giving this beautiful memory >< I really dun wan graduate now T~T

lost

Its gonna end....hold it...ren......I dont know how much longer i can take it....I dont want to suffer....it hurts....mentally killing me inside....slowly showing on the physicals.....I dont know what am i becoming.....Please...juz let me be in peace....I wan to master my lk....bonds friendships how true and how far is it extent?....During your times of troubles you will be able to see who is ur true friend and who is the devil....I see it all already....but why do i still believe?....Stress is the number 1 silent killer....Im lost....Who can show me the path?I need someone...I cant stand this loneliness anymore...I need someone to support me..for now....I dont know if i even zhi can in my sleep...i have enough and nice sleep recently...but...i always wake up wif full of tears...and even some scars or red at my hand or leg....did i do this to myself?I dont know....I scare Im developing another personality or slowly going insane....Help me...anyone...

The ending

A lot have happen over the past few weeks and days...All this events and happening have keep my heart on a rocky sea full of uncertainties...Appears what i treasure most are slowly drifting away distant itself...I reach out to try to catch them swimming my hardest in this sea...but the current kept pushing me back..and i got further...Then i start to doubt myself...is everything that we've been through are just illusions?I do not know....but slowly...certainly..I'm reaching my limits...I do not know how much longer can I stand...but i will continue to drill on this path....But i know the end is near...it wont be far i must stay strong...till the end...please...let me hold on till everything is over...please tell me everything is real and not a illusion...i don't want to find out everything i hold treasure and important to me for so long are all just a illusion....show me the light....

sleepless night@@

i lie on the bed for almost 4 hours ++ and i still cant fall asleep~~god why cant you just let me sleep plss :( and now its 2 30 am d== around 5 hours n half i shall take spm >< may the luck be wif me now~try to slp again orelse i be lying on bed unable to sleep again @@

Save you from anything

I know one power is limited but with what i can do i will aim for the top!
I know i can't save everyone but I must at least save those I hold dear to me! 

for this I push on towards my goals and my selfish desires to attain this future
Save you from anything!

Lonely night

A rainy night such as the one tonight..combine with some events...I really cant help myself but let tears roll down my face...Is not because I realise how close SPM is...but how close is it to be seperated from the people that we take for granted everyday...just a short period of time left and we can't be in that classroom doing stupid stuff or even sitting there listening to a boring teacher teach~and saturday a graduation event~reality comes and slap me in the face...I thought I had already resolve what is to come...but it appears I am still human it still pains me when you see everything reality really isn't fair..but we can only deal with it...I really feel like finding someone and hug them real tightly and say how much i love them...there is so many troubles to deal with recently...but i could not express it out...taking everything out on myself...I really ain't a good leader...This darkness...This coldness...This sadness...This loneliness...Is gonna be a long night of self reflecting...onwards to the uncertain waves in the future as i silently watch the night rain with tears...

How insignificant is one's power...

Today was a nice day something worth to keep in memories again >< crazy ppl can frm paradigm mall shopping till time square wow...wat a change xD...took sometime to chose someone present...but i hope she like it xD......haiz...then later on...on a train felt so useless....I cant believe we dint even notice it...so useless...I really feel Im a failure for a man...how can i let tat happen to ppl tat are close to me?then it is revealed thr are more tat are close to me that face the same thing...i feel ashamed not noticing it not knowing it....haiz....is it why they all leave me?cause im useless?failure as a man and a mummy....Knowing the world it is now like tat...yet i dint expect it to happen to people close to me...haiz...I really have to be more observant...feel sorry for my girls......I only wish to have the power to protect....the ppl close to me...Time draws near to the end....I wonder if i will still be me when i rush on my own path tat im ready to set out...i hope i could still have all this wonder full friends...i wan to protect this bonds...for the road ahead i walk wont be an easy one to attain true freedom...I will walk the path of those success full people's they inspire me....i hope this path wont cut my bonds wif all my current friends...school is ending soon...so far yet so near...This is wat it meant by growing up isn't it??sometime i wish i could think more easier...i feel my mindset and thinking are so far from the peoples around me now...how very fragile i am... :(...I close my eyes as i wish for it to end a happy end...

wait??for miracle?!muri==

Owh so late d 1 more hour to pass this day what am i still waiting for??miracle i guess??just ask her straight??whether she remembers??tried and kenna ignore sad life~ >< wonder why I still remember them all this special day's...maybe cause i cant let go of the past??na juz a lesson from the past i guess and as a memento....well i guess only time can heal...juz like my star sign suggest...gemini..6-8 months >< despite the fact we do not look serious and do not care we are quite an loyally dumb dogs i guess?haha xD.

worry too much??

Recently there seems to be so much problems~ especially my friends is not my problem but its like i still try to solve it==worrying too much~Ah why in this mortal world there is so many humanly troubles??because we're humans?? You dont say?? == Sometimes I really wish if I meet a dead reaper i will gladly sacrifice myself to bless everyone around me~and begone from existence ><. Tat's cause i dont believe in unrequited gains everything have its own price nothing is free tat's my concept what comes around goes around this loop   is obey by all how boring life is~~

Cannot find...

Find the strength to forget you...Cannot find.


Find the way to detain you...Cannot find.


Find someone to replace you...Cannot find. 


Find the one to be like you...Cannot find.

Everything..

So in the end my name is lai I get blame for the most stupidest things that ever existed~How stupid was i to even believe it is different they are all the same.Its all shattered broken i dont give a damn about it any more screw all i walk my own way from now on.when your ready i am more than welcome but tat's all Baka baka baka why i even believe...There is no such thing as truth in reality all i feel now is the anger to myself for being so dumb...even i am a human i got limits im way pass that now i cant control this emotion anymore...tsk...dumbness everything is a lie...I wan to end it quick and swift...plss..let it end...i beg of myself...

Mask~

Even I myself cant really understand or explain this feeling~.... but...I...just dont understand....why....why is it so confusing...so pain....yet...i could hide it~I dont understand anything anymore~...

dreams~hopes~foolishness..

Is loving truly and thinking for the future stupid??why....am I always abandoned for doing so..i do not understand....am I that of a failure as a boy??~...

Life so far , clean up doubts

Whether is the past or future what matters most is the present :D
Don't let the past or future waver you what matter most is NOW!!
Reality always hurts because they are cruel and life is unfair...
SO WHAT!?deal with it people who accept this fact shall see things ordinary people doesn't Thread your own destiny by making fate play in your favour ;) that is the way to live like a LOU SAI!!! HEll YEAH
Want to get anything done??don't do it yourself but make use of every possibility you can to effectively complete it ;)
For geniuses are not smart after they study , but they are smart before they study
Think it thoroughly and you will realize something missing.
That's how uncompleted we humans are xD